i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
