I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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