I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize