I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
