Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
