The best revenge is premature balding
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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