My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
