You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize