Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
