Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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