your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
