I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
