The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
