he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
