matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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