i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
