Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You're like the curious george of whores
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
