if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
