Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
