Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
