who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
