My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
