I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
