Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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