one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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