somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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