I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
