Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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