I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize