I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
When are your genitals available?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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