He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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