i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
