my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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