Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
