Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
