I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
