It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
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