remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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