I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
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