There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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