someone threw a dead crab at me
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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