I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
