i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
