i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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