hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize