I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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