i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
