never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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