My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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