not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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