I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
