my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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