Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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