Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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