There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
