You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
