I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
