guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
