oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
