All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
