Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
