Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
