I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
