i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
