he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
