We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
