Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
