dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
