at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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